The Real Housewives of Dallas recap

The Real Housewives of Dalls: Bubbles and Brooding  By Pop Culture Kelly

Courtesy of TamaraTattles at http://tamaratattles.com

Hello! Tamara was kind enough to let me recap Dallas for all you lovely TT fans. Hopefully I do her proud and y’all let me come back next week!

We start where we left off last episode at D’andra and Jeremy’s anniversary party and of course with the fear of God in Rich’s one good eye at the idea of marrying Leanne that very night. It is all just a joke on Rich and Leanne-she ain’t Locken him down that night! Oh D’Andra, you are such a card!!! D’Andra feels that there are deeper issues as to why they are taking so long to tie the knot but it remains to be seen what those issues are. D’Andra and Jeremy make toasts and Jeremy makes a crudely-sweet toast to D’Andra’s hotness and his horniness towards her. Normally I would find that inappropriate with children in the room, but Jeremy is so hot and can do no wrong so whatever. #crush. Stephanie and Leeanne bond at the table and they share some of their stories of their respective painful pasts. Stephanie opens up about her suicide attempt which honestly shocked me. They feel they are getting to know each other on a deeper level which is nice to see. Brandy, who previously texted D’Andra declining the party invite, arrives with a gift and an agenda: she wants to speak to D’Andra to clear the air. She’s upset that D’Andra has disparaged her and wants to find out why, but she also is in such a great place with the new baby that she doesn’t want to dwell. Cary is happy to escort Brandy and her potential argument over to D’Andra. Leeanne is concerned that it will not end well and the girls hover by to observe the big talk. It’s civil and probably disappointing to most of the girls (I see you Cary!). But Brandy and D’Andra decide to move on from any issues and the party ends on a good note, with a drunk Stephanie (good drunk not scary Dorinda drunk!) attempting to ride a Lion statue that’s in front of D’Andra’s home. Yes, I just typed that sentence.

Stephanie is meeting her party planner to plan a housewarming/Brandy adopted Bruin party. They are calling it a “Bubble and Bru” party, part champagne/part Bruin. They’ve kept the adoption on the down low so everyone (minus Cary and Stephanie) will be learning of the adoption and meeting the baby for the first time. The God-awful living room pool is gone and the house really does look beautiful. Stephanie spent 1.7 million in renovations and it looks absolutely worth it. Stephanie calls Brandy to go over the guest list and Stephanie encourages Brandy to invite Leeanne and D’Andra ,which Brandy agrees to.

D’Andra arrives at the Ultimate Living office where Dee is currently at the helm. D’andra discusses rebranding with the marketing department who are on board with modernizing and rebranding. They are focusing on Green Miracle, which is their flagship product. D’Andra decides this is the time to talk to Dee about the marketing. Tension is in the air with these two, as things haven’t been the same since Mama Dee wrastled the keys to Ultimate Living (and financial freedom) away from D’Andra. D’Andra holds her own, attempting to discuss packaging and rebranding with soft pouches. Mommy Dee is channeling her best Joan Crawford: No soft pouches. NO SOFT POUCHES EVER!!!!!!!!!! She is not having it. It seems like Mama Dee, who started the company from the ground up and has been in control of all marketing/branding decisions, is having a very hard time letting go and deferring to D’Andra, who is coming from a different perspective. D’Andra is looking to widen the consumer base whereas Mama Dee unwilling to pander to a new base and potentially lose faithful consumers.  Clearly this has been long simmering as Mama Dee pulls out the only child/you’re secretly jealous of me card. Yikes. D’Andra insists she’s not jealous of her mother and in her talking head points out that youth, a stable marriage and baby like skin are on her side.  I mean…if Mama Dee wasn’t 77 they could be siblings the way they are arguing. Anyway, Mama Dee claims D’Andra verbally abused her over the phone the last time they spoke-which was a month ago. Dee controls every aspect of D’Andra’s finances and D’Andra fears they will never have a decent mother/daughter relationship with Dee manipulating D’andra through the purse strings.

Stephanie has her mother, grandmother and grandfather over for dinner. They are deeply religious which Stephanie finds has gotten her through tough times. Stephanie and her mom go upstairs where Stephanie tells her mom how she and Leeanne bonded over their difficult pasts and how it’s thawed some ice between them. Leeanne opened up about her 4 past suicide attempts and Stephanie tells us that when she was 22 years old, she had tried to commit suicide herself. She was in an emotionally abusive relationship that made her feel worthless and constantly judged and when that ended, she felt she had lost her friends and couldn’t handle it. Thankfully her mom was home at the time and when she took a bottle of pills, she went into her mom’s room to tell her what she had done. Her mom called an ambulance immediately, and her mom tears up when she thanks her again for telling her what she had done before it was too late. Stephanie felt guilty about putting her family through that pain but her mom is nothing but proud of her, especially for opening up to Leanne and letting her know she’s not alone in her pain. The love is real in this scene and I want to hug them both.

Cary and Mark are renovating their home so they are now staying at Cary’s parent’s house while her parents stay at another house out of town. Mark is cooking dinner for Cary and Zuri and Zuri is growing up fast! Cary claims she’s not as Type A as her parents but Mark disagrees. Shocker.

Leeanne goes to a shop with her friend Jeannette and shop owner Cassie who has helped her “create” a, for lack of better words, a “build-a-dress”. There are 4 different variations of a black dress: one with ruffled sleeves, one with a fishtail you snap on, one with a cape and one with it all. Leeanne dubs it “the Infinity dress”. Leeanne dreams of it being on a shopping network. Honestly, I don’t get it but Leeanne is acting like her dream just came true so sure, we’ll go with it.

Brandy is mommy’ing all over Bruin, getting him ready for his big debut at Stephanie’s party. Her house is very full with 3 kids, her husband and a million pets and her day must start at 7am to prepare to look good for 7pm. Same here girl, same. They arrive at Stephanie’s and her house looks amazing. She went all out for baby Bruin, complete with a cotton candy machine for the kiddos. Brandy is overwhelmed at Stephanie both for having the party and for introducing them to Bruin. Stephanie brings the  Redmonds to hide upstairs in the bedroom, and Kameron is the first to arrive with her husband. Both Kameron and hubby are appalled at Stephanie not being there to greet them. The. Horror. Stephanie finally comes downstairs and Kameron tells her she’s figured out that it’s a baby shower for Brandy. Stephanie feels that Kameron missed her calling and should be a detective and not a pink dog food maker. She throws Kam off the trail by saying it’s Stephanie who has a surrogate and is expecting a boy, not Brandy. Kam is happy yet suspicious of this news. I agree with Stephanie-Kam would be a lot more successful and animals would be much less sick if she stuck to what she was good at.

Stephanie runs upstairs and tells Brandy that Kam figured it out, but that her elaborate lie won’t ruin the surprise. Cary knows about Bruin and brought a gift with a blue bow, which Inspector Kam noticed immediately. Stephanie confesses that Cary is in on it but seriously, MISSED CALLING! D’Andra, D’Andra’s boobs, Leeanne and a horses mane that Leeanne cut and glued on her head arrive next. Cary marvels at D’Andra’s bosom and Stephanie is delighted that it wasn’t a bitch Leanne cut in order to get that ponytail. Stephanie is so happy that they are getting along and really, all the girls are. Stephanie takes the microphone and introduces the Redmonds family, complete with their adorably ginger new addition. Kam is all upset that knew/didn’t know/then really knew she knew when she found out with everyone else. Phew!

That is a wrap for episode 2. Thank you for reading and a HUGE thank you to Tamara for trusting me to do this. As long as no one sends soft pouches in protest, I’ll see y’all next week!!