Thursday, June 12, 2014
Another break from pop culture: Relationships. Oh yeah, we're going there!
Relationships. Familial relationships, relationships with friends, loved ones-we all have them. Most are complicated, or can be for certain periods of time. We may not understand our parents, fight with our siblings, go to couples counseling...basically nothing is perfect. What prompted this here blog is a conversation I had with someone, who is like my brother, and is going through a breakup. He is heartbroken and quite honestly it pisses me off. Yes it PISSES ME OFF. I hate to see someone I love in pain of course, but it's more than that. It's the utter disregard we seem to have for other people's feelings. It seems especially as we get older, it happens more often. My inner circle knows that for the past few months I've been struggling with the actions (or in-actions honestly) of someone I was in a relationship with. After speaking with my friend and hearing the story, it's eerily similar what is happening to him had happened to me. I have had quite a few relationships in my day, and I have to say that I can't ever remember things being as bad as they are now with how people handle things. I mean, you would think the older we get the more we would value others and how they feel, right? That we would tread a little more carefully because with age supposedly comes wisdom-and we wisely value other people who actually care about us, right?!?!? WRONG! I had better endings in high school than I've had the past few years and my friend has too. So, to be Carrie-esque here, I have to wonder: Why are we so irresponsible with others and their feelings? About a year ago, I started dating someone who my friends aptly nicknamed "Turtledove". He was very sweet, very nice but there was no magic there. I tried hard to like him because good men are truly hard to find, but I just couldn't make myself like him the way he liked me. So, ashamed to say, I just started distancing myself from him. It killed me to think of having THAT conversation with him. But, he kept pursuing so I finally had to. And he took it well. He was upset, sure. But he would have been a million times more upset had we not had that talk. And he had closure. There were no open endings, nothing to misinterpret or misunderstand, it was done maturely and respectfully and there was a finality to it. He was able to move on completely. That is a gift I'm finding more and more hard to come by. Some people never get that closure and though "experts" claim we don't need it, I disagree. I think we really do. My closure over someone I was in love with years ago came to me in a dream. We no longer spoke, my heart was broken and he had moved on. He wasn't about to give me anything, never mind closure. This went on for a while and then it's almost like my mind had to have it-so it came in a dream. In my dream I was able to get the apology I had so wanted and I also got to apologize-which is something I had badly wanted to do as well. Because it would never happen in real life, I had to dream about it in order to let it go. It's what I needed to finally let go and move on myself.. But does it really have to come to that? I don't think so. I think the more we distance ourselves and avoid, the more we hurt people. And it's a really selfish, cowardly act in general. No one deserves that, especially not someone with whom you were close to. So, in short, just try to be kind. Try to value people that actually do care about you and think about their best interest, as well as your own. Karma is a real bitch and she keeps notes. You want to be on her good side, because it all does come back around eventually. And I hope for my friend, and myself as well, that we find people who will value us and our feelings. It may be with these people or may not be. But in the end, we deserve to have people who would do anything to NOT hurt us. Because we're good enough. We're smart enough. And gosh darn it, people like us! You're welcome for the obscure SNL reference =) Just be kind and thoughtful. That is the moral of this here story.