GAME OF THRONES IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry to all-caps scream that but I'm so excited!!! It was so good, and even if after 4 seasons I still can't remember all of the names of everyone (it's hard y'all!), I will do my best to recap. The hard part about this show is that there are so many characters...but again, I will do my best.
Tywin Lannister, one of the worst Lannister's (which says a LOT!) is taking the sword of Ned Stark and making it into two swords: One for Joffrey the Jerk (errr King) and one for Jamie. We see a flashback to when Ned was taken from us by his own sword...and it hurt to relive it =( Tywin presents the sword to Jamie and is un-shockingly mean to him. He basically tells him that becuase he is now one handed, the sword is useless to him. Jamie says (paraphrasing a bit here) "Nah, it just makes defeatinig people a challenge now". GO JAMIE. Tywin then tells him that he must leave Kings Landing and return to Casterly Rock where the Lannister's also rule. Jamie flat out says "NO". Tywin, not used to hearing the word "NO" directed at him, tells him he doesn't have a choice. Jamie says "Oh yes I do" and tells his father he's not going anywhere. Oh. Snap.
Tyrion is waiting to welcome a King visiting from a neighboring land who hates the Lannisters but is coming to possibly keep the peace-or possibly kill some Lannisters at Joffrey's upcoming wedding. Tyrion is with his two sidekicks and they are funny together. The visitors come but they are not who Tyrion expected. The king was ill so he sent his younger brother in his place. Tyrion asks where the brother is and he is told that he arrived much earlier as he didn't want to deal with any greetings. Tyrion and his men immediately set off to find him at the local brothel because, well, this is GOT and the man has a reputation. We then meet this younger brother-Prince Oberyn. Prince Oberyn and his "girlfriend" are in the brothel picking their next lady to share their bed. They choose and the man that works there and was assisting them is told to stay by the Prince. The man insists he's "not for sale" but a hot Prince can pretty much have anything he wants-choice of men included. It looks like they're all about to get their groove on when the Prince hears someone mocking him and his land. He cannot get his groove on when someone is mocking him outside!!! So he goes to see some Lannisters serenading some prostitutes with basically their fight song. They bicker then Prince drills his sword through this guys hand to let him know he means business. Tyrion then appears and tries to talk to the Prince. Tyrion wants to keep the peace and Oberyn is letting him know that there will be no peace. He tells Tyrion that Tywin ordered his beloved sister, neice and nephew to be slaughtered brutally. She was married to a Targearean (I believe the Mad King's son?) and when the Mad King was killed, the whole family was killed as well. Oberyn loved his sister and her children and made it very clear that "The Lannister's aren't the only ones who pay their debt". Trouble!!!
We next see Khaleesi and her dragons. The dragons have gotten so big! Too big. She clearly is having trouble controlling them. Two of her guard members have gone to "gamble" instead of waiting for her to play with her kids. How rude. So she goes over to them where they are seeing who can hold their sword the longest. Khaleesi tells the basically to grow up and they are now riding in the back of the 1,000 plus entourage caboose. Poor Khaleesi and all these children around her. Later on, as they travel to a new city to conquer, they are met with the body of slave girl hanging crucification-style on a mile marker. There are 163 more of those. Khaleesi vows to see the face of every slave murdered, have them buried properly and will exact revenge for them. That's our girl!
Sansa is greiving the loss of her family at "The Red Wedding" (aren't we all??). She won't eat, can't sleep and Tyrion comes over to try to help his wife. Tyrion tells her that her mother was the epitome of strength and she would want Sansa to carry on. She tells Tyrion that she just wants be alone where noone talks to her to try to make her "feel better". She goes off for a walk where she can be alone and she is being followed by someone. It turns out it was a gentleman she saved a few seasons ago from Joffrey. He tells her that he owes her his life and he wants the symbol of his name-a GORGEOUS necklace heirloom-to live on. She is brought back to life a bit and tells him that she will wear it proudly.
Jamie goes to see Cersei, who has a golden hand made for him. Jamie doesn't really want it but will do anything for his sister/love. Cersei has not changed a bit. She is still Queen biatch. She berates Jamie for him "leaving" her and losing his hand. Jamie tries to explain that he was captured, tortured and stayed alive only to return to her but that's not good enough for Precious Cersei. She coldly says "You took too long!" and prances out. Ugh. Like mother like son.
Their evil spawn Joffrey is making wedding day plans. I hope we have a red wedding redux and he dies a slow, horrible death...or something. He also mocks his Uncle/Dad Jamie for losing his hand and Jamie informs him confidently that there is still time to become a legend. Poor Jamie. He can't get no respect around there! He has a chat with his only true freind Brienne about how she wants him to keep the vow he made to protect the Stark girls. He says Arya is probably dead and Sansa is married to his brother-what can he do? But Brienne gets through to him and you can see that will help Sansa out if he can.
There were two scenes with Ygritte and Jon Snow (seperately) that weren't anything major. Basically Ygritte is still pissed off at Jon and she and her troop meet up with Cannibals who are cooking a human arm. Awesome. Jon kind of mourns the loss of his brother Rob and he and Sam have a cute scene where Jon admits he was always jealous of Rob. Sam says "Kind of like I was always jealous of you. You can do everything better than me-except read". Awwe. Jon has to go before a council who want him killed for sleeping with Ygritte. Jon gives them intel on where Ygritte and crew can be found so he effectively saves himself from being killed. Yay! Jon Snow must live forever. Or else.
The last scene is my favorite of the episode: It's Arya and the Hound. They are trolling through the woods sharing a horse. Arya wants her own and Hound makes fun of her for being a diva in the condition they are in. They happen upon a tavern where Arya spots the man who stole her sword-Polliver. Polliver killed her friend, tortured people around her and almost killed her as well. He stole "Needle" and she wants it back. Hound says "Of course you named your sword" but he tries to stop Arya from taking her vengence foolishly. They go into the tavern where Polliver recognizes Hound-but not Arya. Polliver's men are attempting to rape the tavern owner's daughter and they are just a horrific group. Polliver brags to the Hound on how he's tortured and killed people and the Hound is unimpressed. Hound tells him that he talks to much and he wants Polliver's chicken. Polliver is all "Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?" and Hound keeps upping the chicken ante. He then takes a long drink and goes to work, killing most of Polliver's men. As Polliver lay on the floor wounded from the Hound, Arya is able to get Needle and repeat the words Polliver said when he killed her friend. Polliver's eyes open in horror and recognition and that's when Arya delivers Needle right through his throat. Arya and Hound leave with chicken and a horse for Arya. She is smiling with vindication and I'm afraid our sweet little Arya isn't so sweet anymore.
What did everyone think of the premiere???? I can't wait until next week where it looks like we will see Theon, Bran and others we've missed. See y'all next week!!!