JOFFREY IS DEAD!!! The weaselly, horrid, horrific young king is dead and it was amazing! Now, that doesn't sound nice because he was so young, basically Justin Beiber if he were given the power to rule a kingdom. He was young, dumb and drunk with power. But he was also vicious, killed our beloved Ned Stark without a thought and tortured Ned's daughter afterward. He is despicable but he's GONE! Whoo hoo!!!
We will get to the death in a minute but some other things did happen in this episode besides the BEST WEDDING EVER. The show opens with the horrific Ramsay and his girlfriend hunting a terrified girl with Theon/Reek following behind a couple of dogs. The poor girl made the mistake of being pretty and that enough was reason to hunt her, torture her and have her mauled to death by the dogs. It was HORRIFIC but it really drives home how sadistic Ramsay is to people other than poor Theon. Poor Theon. He really is poor Theon now. After being brutally tortured and having an important, umm..appendage removed, he is a broken man. He is now named "Reek" and he does the bidding of his torturer even though you can still see how much it tears him up. He was visibly repulsed by what happened to the girl but is powerless to do anything about it. So Daddy Bolton comes home, fresh off of killing Robb and Catlynn Stark at the Red Wedding. He comes boasting in and is displeased with how his "bastard" son Ramsay SNOW handled Theon. Theon was suppose to remain uncastrated and of value to barter. Ramsay had taken it upon himself to attempt to barter Theon but Theon's father wasn't having it. Bolton is angry about this turn of events and berates him for overstepping. Ramsay then wants to show Daddy a trick of how useful he actually is-he has Theon/Reek give him a close shave with a razor blade, all the while mentally torturing Theon and making him tell his father how Theon did NOT kill the young Stark boys. Daddy was impressed and he sees what power Ramsay has on Theon/Reek. He orders Ramsay to take Theon/Reek and overtake Moat Caitlin to prove his worth. Oh Lawwwwd this should be fun =(
Tyrion and Jamie have a great scene over dinner. Tyrion is eating and drinking while Jamie isn't. Tyrion says "What is it with no one eating? You lost a hand not your stomach". LOL! The brothers have an odd relationship-you have to wonder if Tyrion isn't a little pleased that the golden boy is no longer so golden. Tyrion toasts to the "Proud Lannister children: The Dwarf, The Cripple and the Mother of Madness". God I love Tyrion. Jamie then trusts his brother with the knowledge that he can't fight anymore. He isn't good left handed and he can't trust anyone with that. Tyrion, seeing how much his brother needs him, tells him that he knows just the right person to help him train using his left hand and get his power back-Bronn. Bronn tells Jamie to meet him at the place he takes his mistress. Jamie doesn't fully trust him yet but Bronn begins the lesson anyway. Back to Tyrion, he has some girl problems. Varys tells him that Shae was spotted with him and that the King and Cersei will have her killed. Tyrion decides once and for all to end things with Shae in order to save her life. She truly loves him and will not leave him otherwise. He tries at first to be nice, to tell her that he set her up with a castle and servants in Pentos...Shae ain't havin it. She tries to seduce him, tells him she's not afraid of the King and Cersei but Tyrion knows better. So then, and this was hard to watch, he got mean. Really mean. He told her she's a whore, he can't love a whore. She basically was his favorite plaything for a while but now he wants to have children with his wife. It's clearly killing him to say these things but he feels that this is the only way. Bronn comes in to escort Shae to the ship leaving for Pentos-and Shae slaps Bronn HARD and leaves crying. It was so sad to watch =( Poor Tyrion.
There are a few other scenes before the wedding that I will just briefly touch on. Stannis is still listening the "witch" and killing his people by fire. She visits the daughter but Stannis is very protective of her. We see Bran finally! He's getting big. Bran is still having visions-it looks like he sees the past (RIP NED) and the future maybe? Snow falling in the house where the throne is. The dreaded winter perhaps???
So now the wedding stuff! They have what looks to be a wedding shower where Joffrey is presented with gifts. Tyrion gives him a book which is all about the former Kings and Joffrey, though at first looked royally pissed off said with some grace "Now that war is won we should all find time for wisdom". You knew that couldn't last. So then his grandfather presents him with the sword that he made out of Ned Starks sword. And this is where Joffrey is really Joffrey. He is like a child on Christmas and uses the sword to tear Tyrion's book to shreds. He then says "Every time I use this sword it will be like cutting Ned Starks head off all over again". Sansa looks on visibly shaken. The wedding commences which was a short scene. Tyrion meets up with Bronn afterward who assures Tyrion he watched Shae get on the ship and the ship left. Tywin and Olenna are chatting and it seems like she's the only one who can stand up to him. She tells him that she's paid her share for the wedding and that he is basically in her debt. #Damn. So then Olenna makes her way over to Sansa where she's pretty condescending about her "sorrow" over her brother and mother. She makes a comment that didn't seem like anything until after Joffrey died. She said "Killing a man at his own wedding. How horrid! What sort of monster would do such a thing? As if men need need more reasons to fear marriage". LOL! Poor Sansa though. Jamie/Loras and Brienne?Cersei have wierd interactions and the brother/sister making their love for each other known is pretty damn gross. Loras even said, after Jamie told him that Cersei will never marry him, says "she'll never marry you either". BURN! hahahaha. That whole thing is sooo weird and creepy. Blech. Prince Oberyn and his "love" Ellaria (who couldn't wear less if she tried!) see Cersei and Tywin. They immediately start in on each other with double entoundres, Oberyn making it known that he is quite pleased Cersei is the former Queen and that he is there for revenge. Tywin doesn't seemed bothered but he definetly got under Cersei's skin. And it was fun to watch! Watching Cersie get out-bitched will never get old.
Now to the best and final scene: Joffrey's demise. He demonstrates what a little monster he really is when he commands attention from everyone to bring out a "war re-enactment" with dwarfs. Tyrion is visibilly upset, as is Sansa since her brother's name is part of this. They all act like circus clowns (Joffrey's intent) and puts Tyrion on the spot telling him to go fight with the dwarfs. Tyrion stands up to him, not allowing Joffrey to see any humiliation. Joffrey then pours wine on Tyrion's head which Tyrion deems "a spill". Joffrey orders him to be his "cup bearer" which Tyrion calls "an honor", which only angers Joffrey more. He won't stop until Tyrion shows humiliation and Tyrion won't give in. Joffrey intentionally drops the cup, kicks it under the table where Sansa kindly goes under and gets the cup for Tyrion. Margaery tries to diffuse the situation several times and wins finally when she announces "Oh look! The pie!!" Nothing stops an impending brawl like pie. Hahahaha. So then Joffrey uses his new sword to slice the pie-and several birds that flew out of it. #Gross. Tyrion and Sansa attempt to leave but Joffrey isn't done. He calls Tyrion over to get him more wine because the "pie is dry". It's then when Joffrey starts coughing. Then choking. Then he falls face forward on the floor where Mama Cersei and Uncle Daddy Jamie go rushing over. She flips him over and you see his eyes all bloody, his face purple-he's dying from the inside out. Cersei is shocked and grief stricken, as is Jamie. Joffrey finally dies after several painful minutes. Dontos appears from nowhere and takes Sansa away saying that "if you want to live you will come with me". Tyrion is looking at the cup figuring out quite quickly Joffrey was poisoned. Cersei points right at Tyrion and orders him to be arrested as he is the killer! I mean, he didn't but she very clearly blamed him.
So who do you think killed Joffrey? So many people had a motive but to me, it comes down to Sansa, Olenna and Margaery. And who will be king now? The little brother Tommen??? I cannot wait for next week!!!