Tuesday, April 15, 2014
A-Z Challenge: M is for Masturdating
I have a confession: I cannot masturdate. It's scary. It goes against all that I was taught and it just feels wrong. Dirty, shameful and wrong. For those who aren't aware what masturdating is, it's the act of going on "dates" by yourself. Going to the movies, going to dinner, going to get a drink...all by yourself. And I can't do it. I know, I know. The empowered, independent woman today can do anything alone! We are suppose to be able to go to a movie or dinner alone and enjoy it but I cannot. I have to have someone with me. My girlfriends and I will go to movies. We will go to dinner, get drinks, etc. I will take my son and niece to a movie, to dinner just the three or two of us. No problem. My family and I will go out a lot and that's great. And of course I love to do those things with the guy I'm dating. But to go alone? Can't do it. I am independent in every other aspect of my life: single mom taking care of my my family, don't need help from anyone, blah blah blah. I can remember years back after a break up I decided I was going to attempt a masturdate. I could do whatever I wanted, I didn't need him and gosh darn it, I wanted to go to a movie! No one else was available to go so I decided I would go. Alone. And I didn't like it. There was no one to make fun of the bad acting with, no one to discuss the obvious plot twists with...I felt it was very lonely. There are people that LOVE to go the movies alone-honestly I salute you. And another confession: I have never even attempted to go to dinner alone because the thought scares me . For those who love it, I salute you as well. It's probably really silly but I'm being honest and it really scares me. If I get the rare opportunity to be alone (happens maybe once or twice a year!) I will order take out, grab a book, get in comfy cozy pj's and relax on the couch. That is my idea of an amazing masturdate. Because, and let's be real here ladies, if I'm putting make up on, doing my hair and getting dressed in clothes other than pj's and getting a babysitter-there's going to be another person there to appreciate the effort damn it. Because otherwise, it's just not worth it! At home, the bra and make up come off, the hair gets thrown up in a bun, the comfy cozy pj's come on and it's awesome. For those who masturdate and love it, kudos. I truly admire you. But masturdating just isn't for me.