Thursday, April 3, 2014

A-Z CHALLENGE: C is for Crackhead

Let me preface this blog by apologizing in advance if I offend any crackheads out there. Please know this comes from a place of adoration. I love crackheads. I do. I have met several, been called one many times by my beloved sister and have been hit on by a few. They bring me joy-the funny ones anyway. The ones who are aware that they are crackheads but just go with it-YOLO! There are two crackcidents that come to mind. My first run in with a crackhead was when I was 13 years old and attended my second concert ever at Clubland in Worcester-it was House of Pain. It was amazing. After the concert my friend and I were waiting outside for her mom to come get us and we were approached by two crackheads. Now being two relatively sheltered 13 year old girls, we were friendly because we didn't know any better. We had never encountered crackheads before-we didn't really travel in the same circles. They ask us if we had drugs and we didn't-we had never even seen a drug in real life. We were appalled! Then they start to tell us where we can get drugs and that we should follow them. We looked at each other and we didn't know what to do. Our panic must have been visible because it was then that a really big gentleman came over to us asking if we were OK. We said no, we were scared and we didn't want to follow the crackheads to get drugs! The gentleman told them to leave us alone before he called the cops. All of a sudden about 20 people ran over to where we were yelling "We want your autograph!!" It turns out the gentleman that saved us from potential human trafficking was Eric B of Eric B and Rakim. We had no idea who he was but when we spotted her mother's car, we RAN into it, never looking back. Of course after that we found out who Eric B was and he will forever be my hero. My second crackcident happened about a month ago. I work a few days a week at a hospital in downtown Worcester (the place where crackhead dreams come true!) and this was my first day back there after about a year of working at another site. I was so happy to be back to my "home" since I had worked there for 7 years previously. I ran into two doctors that I hadn't seen in a while and we were catching up. A med seeking crackhead approached us and was talking to me specifically, asking who I was and if I hurt when I fell from Heaven. Now these doctors, who know me pretty well, knew I could handle this. He asked for my name and I said "It's Crystal Chandelier. I work over at Hurricane Betty's (a local strip club) and I'm just here for my weekly penicillin. Come see me at Betty's though!" One of the doctor's spit out his coffee and they both bought me coffees for the week. It was a great first day back and it was a crackcident that I won't soon forget.


  1. First, crackcident needs to be trademarked ASAP. Second, when I was 13 I was still playing with Transformers and you're going into downtown Worcester to watch House of Pain? Sheltered life my ass LOL

  2. Hahahaahaha it's not as thug as it seems. Clubland was an under 18 club back in the day-for the concert I think they allowed people in up to 21. This was when they were just getting big so they were pretty tame. But I should probably leave the illusion that I am just that gangsta!!!! hahahaahaha